Wednesday, 7 January 2015

The reality is...

I'm not perfect. I'm pretty certain no one is. There are thing I'm good at and there's those things that I fail at terribly. I often find myself compiling those things into a never ending list.It's a frequent and stupid thing but I do it nevertheless. So the list continues growing and to me that's very worrying. A lot more than I thought it did. I've gotten into the habit of dwelling on these things and comparing myself to the people that succeed where I fail. I would love to do everything perfectly the first time but I know I won't always be good at everything. I won't always know every answer to every question. I won't always be sociable and I won't always be the person people think they know .I'm human and sometimes I'm stupid, sometimes I'm rude, sometimes I come of as a know it all.  Sometimes I just don't care and I'd like to be left alone. I'm not a superior species. I don't dance like a pro, neither am I a maths genius. I'm not good at sports( trust me on this) and I'm not Charles Dickens or Einstein. I'm not always going to smile and be happy.

So why do some people like to presume they know what I'm capable of?I could either exceed your expectations or come so far below them that I'm barely visible. I can't control how people think about me and frankly I'd love not to care. But I do. I just do and I know I could change this but it's a lot harder when your not sat behind a computer screen writing. I've found that reality sucks but I'm getting used to it. And whilst I try to be as realistic as I can, I like to keep my imagination as wild as it can be. It makes life a lot more fun.

I'm back at school and I realized all the things I hated about it. ( I also thought about the things I loved about it.)  I'm going to class this as a rant.


  1. Oh, Stella, how we all have much to learn.

    Keep your eyes focused on God and not on yourself. It's hard, but totally worth it. Sometimes I forget and become in the habit of thinking about all the terrible things about myself. But God's grace is amazing and wipes our dirty, terrible slate.

    I'm praying for you. <3

    1. Thank you so much. I will continue focusing on God and allowing him to guide me in life.

  2. Freakin hell. School started two weeks ago and I was feeling on top of things, but then this happened and I felt this way and ughh I hate these stupid expectations. Some people just judge you without knowing anything. And it's awfully hard to prove people wrong after a first impression. They're getting a one dimensional story, and that's not nearly as accurate as the many layers that make your personality. It really would be easier if we didn't care, but we do.

    The Life of Little Me