Wednesday, 17 June 2015

The Girfiest of them all - I'm 50% sarcasm, 25% sincere (probably)

A post in which I apologize to people who probably don't even care and demonstrate my inability to use percentages accurately in my titles. Now begins the second post in my GIRF series. GIRF being a random word I've made up to refer to a direct reference to someone  in the form of a note.

My apologies...

To the gym teacher that tried to help me do a cart wheel and got a full on lecture on how gymnastics isn't my strong point. But hey, at least you know now.

To that attractive guy for staring.

To my friends for constantly embarrassing you in the corridors.

To my science teacher. No matter how much you try to make physics fun, I just wont enjoy the subject.

To the squirrel I saw on the way to school, for totally freaking out over you. Squirrels be warned.

To the people in my class who have to put up with my over dramatic facial expressions.

To my English teacher, for my constant doubting the names of literal devices.

To the child I pushed past today... actually you know what? Forget my apology, that's your fault. There's a 6 mph minimum in those corridors and you weren't even reaching two.

To the guy who decided he'd jokingly punch me in the arm without my consent, for wishing that you suffer a slow and painful slap to the face doled out by a ostrich. I hate you and this isn't even an apology. It's just my way of telling you how much I despise you fool.

To the P.E class across the field, for the sheer fact that you had to bear your eyes upon my sub-optimal dance moves.

To the P.E teacher who attempted to teach me how to jump a hurdle. It's not your fault. Just let it be.

To my friends, for always having to listen to my horrible remixes to songs.

To future me, for being unable to keep anything to myself. It'll probably bite you in the butt sometime soon.

To everyone I've ever hated unnecessarily, it's probably been for a totally irrational reason.

To anyone I've actively ignored, I'm sorry but you need to shut up.

To that one guy, for that not so nice comment I might have said about you. Don't get me wrong, your annoying and all but I apologize for my comment about your height (even though you're probably only like 10cm shorter than me.)

To Dylan O'Brien, for obsessing over you like a total creep.

To the girl in my sociology class, I'm not sorry for anything whatsoever. GET A RULER!!. What's mine isn't yours. That ribbon isn't yours. That boundary of personal space doesn't belong to you. My chair doesn't belong to you and the frigging desk does not belong to you. I am not google and I will ignore you. If you start chewing again in class with those obnoxious jaw movements of yours; I will not hesitate to glue your mouth shut. The next time you touch my bag or use my chair as some sort of messed up support system for your daily chair swinging: I will actually scream at you and swat your hand away like some sort of enraged ninja. Stop please. My name is not 'You girl' and if you want to ask me a question then  learn to address me by my actual name. That's unless your down for me referring to you as 'The annoyance'. Try me. And for turtles sake, can't I be moved to another sociology class. There are 34 beings packed into one cramped classroom. Either someone has to go or things are going to start getting real, very fast. That is all.

Check out the first post in the GIRF series.

I'm out.


  1. THIS.

    you are lovely please keep writing these. your sarcasm makes me happy

    1. Lol. Thank you and I definitely will.

  2. This is so hilarious! Definitely made my day. :)