Thursday, 8 October 2015

The 13 Types Of People You'll Meet In The Lunch Line

The school lunch lines are something of a struggle. With more than a hundred teens continuously standing and shuffling themselves in various directions within this structure:

it becomes rather difficult to be in such place. A human cesspit of hunger and despair if you wish.
Just like school itself there are a variation of people you will meet in a school lunch line. All possibly due to the fact that they intend on cutting in front of you and not that they hope to familiarize themselves with you. Here are the 13 types of people you'll meet in a lunch line.

1) The Co-dependence
The person that uses you to get into the line. Often pretending to engage in casual conversation with you as they slide themselves in front. The only thing is...well you barely know this person. It's simply by association (you know a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a cousins uncle's friend) that they know you actually exist and don't doubt for a second that they won't use that to push in front of you. The Co-dependence usually acts way too nice and will most likely allow his or her five other friends in front of them. They're like that one annoying fruit fly. Never there till there's food around.

2) The Magician
The person that randomly pops out of nowhere. They're like muted speakers or faulty wind up toys. They do not speak and nor do they make any noticeable movements. Yet they still manage to end up five places in front of you despite them being at the end of the line only moments ago.

3) The Conversation- a.k.a The Distraction
The student that constantly talks in an attempt to completely disorientate you and thus have enough time to get in front of you before you realize what they've done.

4) The Glider- a.k.a The Navigation
The person that finds the most elaborate path way to get to the front of the line.

The path of a Glider

The Glider has a certain elegance to them, they execute the human swerve (The act of moving quickly around a person with the least amount of physical contact possible.) perfectly weaving in and out of bodies to make their way in front.

5) The I Don't Care
The person who simply doesn't give a damn.

6) The Smooth Talker
The person who somehow manages to get their way in front through the simple act of compliments. They're over zealous and cloying but they have game. Lots and lots of game.

7) The Polite One
The person who apologizes for cutting in and genuinely means it. *Cough* Unlike the other 300 students. *cough*

8) The Authority
 The person who thinks that just because they're in the year above you that they have the right to cut in front of you. We should probably take into consideration that this person is also the rudest person to ever walk the Earth just so we can fully appreciate the  sheer jerkosity of their being.

9) The Squad
The group of students who are practically inseparable. Well at least, that's how it seems. Judging by their inability to line up individually and their keenness to cut in altogether at once, it sounds like a logical theory.

10) The Awkward Turtle- a.k.a Me
I've only ever cut line 3 times in my entire High School career. The times I have done I've been riddled with guilt for several hours after it.
The Awkward Turtle is what can only be compared to a shy 4 year old on sugar. They're not quite sure what they're doing and exactly why they're doing it.

11) The Shover
The person that demonstrates a complete lack of respect to the people around them and feels the need to aggressively shove people as they walk past.

12) The Please Don't Tattle
The person who really wants to push in but doesn't want to get caught and so persistently asks each person as they go by not to tell anyone. Which is kind of counter-intuitive because there's more of a chance that people will actually notice you cutting the line.

13) The I Will Ruin You- a.k.a The Intimidation
The person that you simply don't want to mess with. It's impossible to make the distinction between whether they're  just hungry or seriously contemplating sucking the life out of you.

Thank you for reading this and I also want to thank my friends Jennifer and Lucy for helping me come up with these ideas whilst we stood awkwardly in the middle of the lunch line.


  1. Hahaha but surely not everyone cuts in? I'm one of those squad/co-dependence people. I look for someone I know and stick with them.

    The Life of Little Me

    1. Not everyone does I just like to assume that buried somewhere deep within their mind is the prospect of cutting in and that they just haven't had the opportunity to carry out their plan yet. Hunger does that to a person. And nice choice.

  2. Haha Loved this so much!!!!