Monday, 14 December 2015

Ways To Make School Suck Less

Here's my issue with high school. How can I put this in a nice way? It's...'s great. No, that's a lie. High school sucks, man. It sucks. And on the slight chance that my head teacher's stumbled upon this on his search to make our school better, here's what he needs to do.

Stop being so lenient
Either 60% of your teachers are blind and hard of hearing, or they just choose to ignore the wails and flying calculators travelling across the classroom. And a message to the dimwit in my maths class; next time you want to go throwing books around, make sure it's in an open space and not somewhere where it's going to blind a child. P.S You're an arse, idiot.

Stop charging me for things that are out of my control
If you run out of food and my meal doesn't qualify for the lunch deal...well, how do I phrase this? IT'S NOT MY FAULT DAMMIT. It's your fault. Yours. And please stop giving me stale cake.

Stop praising idiots
If an idiot has a tendency to punch people and the only thing you're doing to stop them is give them an 'x' on their report card and a 'try better next time', you're doing this whole behavior thing terribly wrong. It seems like the worst behaved students are the ones praised the most. That's not right.

Stop worrying so much about my aesthetic and for goodness sake, tell the lady at the gates in the morning to stop yelling. 
Look, I get it. You want me to get to class on time. But my legs can only walk so fast lady and they're going as fast as they can go. So if you want to continue yelling at someone, I'm pretty sure there's like a dozen other students starting a cult somewhere in the corner of a corridor that you could waste your voice on. I get it though. You have a reputation to uphold, right? That's why you care so much about how late I am, even though if I do recall correctly it was the heads of the school in the first place who decided to make the opening time 5 minutes earlier despite knowing  that almost 50 percent of their  students take the bus and how unreliable the buses are. There's got to be a compromise somewhere.

And about my aesthetic, just stop. The moment you start caring about how low a person's cravat is compared to how low their grades are, is the moment I start worrying. Maybe if you worried more about their grades, as apposed to whether or not they're carrying a coat around, your GCSE results last year would have actually passed its Ofsted report. But then again, that's none of my business so...

I gots this from here dude
 Ofsted- The Beyonce of  school inspectors. They're the type of people that carry clip boards to every class and just ooze power when they walk into a room.

For once in your lives, just stop yelling.
50 percent of the reason why your students never actually listen to what you're saying to them is because you're yelling it at them. Maybe if you talked to them like actual human beings and not deaf pigeons, you'd be heard.

Control the corridors
At no point can you ever justify those savagery 3 minutes in between lessons. So unless you're fine with me walking through the corridors wearing shin pads and a hard hat, I really urge you to find a solution. And the next time someone barges me, I am genuinely going to lose my shit.

Stop lying to me
You know the library isn't full. I know the library isn't full. Stop telling me it is and let's stop kidding ourselves here.

Stop being so passive
Asking me if I'm being bullied is in no way an attempt to solve bullying. If anything, you're doing nothing more than pointing out the obvious. If bullying is clearly prevalent, then what exactly are you waiting for? Making me report it then doing nothing about it isn't helping. And please stop making me sit through assemblies about it. We all know that no ones actually listening and if you really want to make a difference, how about you actually do something? Integrate your students. Allow us to overcome our differences by talking to each other and getting to know each other. Sure there'll be some arse twats in the bunch, but we've got to start somewhere.

Stop giving me cover teachers or just hire qualified staff
We can both see that there's a lack of teachers in certain subjects, and I know that finding staff is very difficult. But at what point does it become perfectly acceptable to throw a random teacher in to cover the class? If he's majored in history a university, why exactly are you making him teach me biology?And if she clearly can't teach maths, why are you allowing her to try?

Make lunch times longer
Okay, so this one's a little far fetched. But the way I see it is, if you give a student thirty minutes to get to the diner, line up, get their food, eat their food, go outside a little and  have time to pee, you're going to need to give them a little more than thirty minutes. You don't. It's probably best you stop complaining that we're always asking to go to the toilet in  the last lesson.

Also, a message to the idiot who thought he would try and hold a conversation with me in the lunch line after pushing in, I hope you get hit by a piece of stale cake. In no way did I instigate or act as if I wanted a conversation with you. The next time you want to come up to me and talk to me, I'm probably going to hurt you. I'm not even going to lie. I'm going to hurt you.

Please stop trying so hard with people who couldn't care less
I understand that it's in your job description to provide every student in your class with an adequate level of education, but if a student refuses to be taught then I'm sorry but let it go. Leave them be. Stop wasting your time. Instead of spending half the lesson trying to get them to do work, how about you devote your attention to the other 27 or so students that actually want to learn?

That is all chums.


  1. Yes, yes, YES. I need to give this to my teachers and all the other 'staff' who, let's be honest, are a bunch of freeloaders who are paid to yell at kids during their lunch time (yeah, I'm talking to you, Ms. Foshay) and sit on their butts in the staff lounge.

    I especially agree with the library one.

    Or the yelling one. Just this afternoon a red headed, mean lady (I can't remember her name) yelled at me to get on my bus and, at that very moment, I was walking there. I was like dude, chill. The bus won't leave.

    1. I would not be apposed to that idea, I even considered it myself. Lol, I feel like that with some teachers.Sometimes I'll sit and think, 'what is your actual job other than shouting at me and telling me to hurry up in the mornings'. Yelling doesn't convey the message across any better than talking to someone like an actual respected being would. I think sometimes they forget that sort of thing is reciprocal, and whilst most students are arse heads and make school hell for both teachers and students, there really is no need to yell unless it's actually necessary. And as for the library,I think everyone agrees on that one.

  2. Your school sounds shite. I used to work with a guy who's wife was a teacher; in her class was a student who was so violent he had to have 2 permanent minders to stop him attacking the teacher but he had to study at the school (instead of being locked up) as it was the local authorities policy to integrate kids with 'issues'. He was so disruptive everyone suffered.

    1. It does and for the most part it is. My God, that story sounds brutal. I had a kid like that once. He was in my primary school and always had to be pussy footed around just so he wouldn't get angry. He had a behavior chart and everything. And for his size, the little brute of a boy, damn he could flip a table like a light switch.

  3. Such a good post! x

    Cait //