A very cynical and British take on TV adverts, brought to you by a teenage grump.
Blame it on my English teacher.
Sainsbury's taught me that cats are unintentional arsonists and completely capable of single handedly ruining your entire Christmas in one night. Which makes me think that the creator of that advert secretly despises cats or is trying to recreate the exact same thing that happened to him two Christmases ago in the Great Cat Incident Of 2013.
John Lewis taught me that there's an old man on the moon living in complete isolation with nothing but the comfort of a telescope for Christmas. John Lewis also taught me that a good quality telescope is able to see deep into space and that you probably shouldn't settle for anything less.
Sky movies taught me how to properly dispose of Brussels sprouts and that the bad guys in The Avengers are weak as shit and can be taken down by a single sprout.
John Lewis taught me that a rabbit is capable of purchasing an alarm clock and wrapping it up despite it's lack of opposable thumbs. I also learnt that bears aren't savage creatures who will rip you to shreds after screwing with their hibernation periods.
Aldi taught me that parodies are amazing creations and that they have better prices on telescopes than John Lewis. Aldi also taught me the fastest way to get yourself sued and generate complaints.
House Of Fraser taught me that I don't own them and that great dancers jamming out to a killer song really increase the appeal of a TV advert. Especially when dressed in incredible clothes or tangled up in Christmas lights.
Most importantly, M&S taught me that there's an art to Christmas and it should be done correctly by executing a very sassy walk as demonstrated by the five year old in the advert, perfecting the night before, making a shit ton of noise, accurately displaying how surprised you are when receiving a gift and a whole lot of other things.
Now do you see it my way?